I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
