oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
