I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
