Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
