My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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