No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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