We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
