My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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