can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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