How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
