Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
