2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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