we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
