Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
