Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
