why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is wine microwaveable?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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