Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
