Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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