im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
