my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
