I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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