You just made me feel so damn special
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
