if only i could text you this smell
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
