one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
