do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
