Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
