I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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