how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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