the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
