I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
