While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
