it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
