Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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