Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
