This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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