o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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