do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
