the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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