she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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