i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry about my life...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
