My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
