Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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