I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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