Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Say something about gay babies.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
