i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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