I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
