i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
