3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
this just has baby written all over it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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