i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
