she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
